BREATHE. Not happening. BREATHE. Trying. BREATHE. Gasp.

As another contraction surged I gathered my concentration on that simple action to breathe. My body felt like a stampede of wild horses thundering recklessly through the delivery room, completely unaware and dismissive of my attempts to rein it in. My breaths felt snatched before taken, a struggle for confidence and strength as life prepared to surge forth. Deep breaths. Focus. The act of bringing life-giving air into my body, slowly pacing each breath, and exhaling—once such a mindless motion—now took all of my concentration.

“I’m dying” I thought as another contraction surged through my body. There was no controlling these waves of torment that shuddered and rippled through my body. All I could do was ride out each intense moment as it seemed my own body had turned against me. It took all my strength and energy to simply remain focused. Focused on what all of this pain, this vulnerability, and transformative power of my body was doing. The time was not of death but of life. Birth. New life. But bringing new life into the world was so deceptively like death. There was pain and a feeling of spiraling out of control. It was a process in which I simply had to trust that there was something beautiful and miraculous occurring.

“I can’t do this,” I groaned, and then gasped as another contraction hit.

“You ARE doing it,” the midwives reassured me. “Just keep going. You are almost there.”

When I felt I could go no further. When I felt that there would never be a child at the end of this journey my midwives were there to encourage. In their soft but firm voices they assured me that the baby was indeed coming. Everything was okay. That feeling of hitting the wall, that there was nothing left—that just meant that the time of new life was almost here.

I was beyond worn out. My body slumped, completely spent after each contraction. Each break became like a saving gulp of fresh air after being submerged in the water for too long. I no longer felt coherent; I no longer felt my own. I had no control over the rhythmic waves of pain coursing through me. There was no stopping it. I was simply there, trying my best to press forward when there was nothing left and then…

Within a moment everything changed. A new life slipped into this world and was instantly present. Where there was no body there before, a whole, brand new person appeared. My once empty arms now held a precious new life, delivered safely and lovingly into my arms.

“What?!” In my exhaustion I stared in utter amazement at the child I now held. It was unbelievable. There she was, a dark swirl of hair, long, beautiful eyelashes, round chubby cheeks, and piercing blue eyes that stared into mine. I studied her with a heart that instantly connected with her in a way that is simply indescribable.

It had been a long and difficult journey. Moments of fear, doubt, uncertainty, and even blinding pain. During the intensity of labor, there was simply no way I could have imagined the life within me. The time leading up to delivery was so difficult, taking all of my thought and being to simply endure, that I couldn’t conceive of the precious child who was journeying into this world; that every contraction, every pain, brought her closer to breathing her first breath.

I had heard that labor would be intense, but I just didn’t understand the fullness of that description. Several weeks before delivery, I met with the midwives and they asked me who I wanted to be in the delivery room. It was an important question and one that takes some consideration.

In those moments leading up to delivery a woman is in a vulnerable place. There can be a mixture of fear, doubt, and hopelessness as the final and most intense labor pains move an infant from the comfort of the womb into the arms of a loving mother. Because that time is so intense and a woman can enter a place of deep struggle to simply continue, the people surrounding her take on a critical role.

“When you decide who you want present,” the midwives continued, “consider people who will be a positive presence. People who won’t bring their own fears and doubts into the delivery room. You need a supportive presence. People who see this event as a time of life, and won’t project their own anxiety onto you. You don’t need distractions, all your focus needs to be on delivering that baby. We will be focusing entirely on the health of you and your child and that’s what your support team is there for as well.”

With the birth of a new creation there comes the labor pains before. First uncomfortable, later intense, and finally during that time of transition, seemingly unbearable where it looks hopelessly impossible.

We have heard for many years now that the church is dying. Fear and anxiety have entered the room. People are scurrying to and fro trying to find a way to alleviate the discomfort, to halt the process of change. Some experts provide an answer to the pains of the church, proclaiming bold new strategies to ‘fix the problem’.  Others either deny the change altogether or desperately grasp onto the smoky memories of the past in an attempt to go back to the way things were.

But there is no going back. And there is no fixing the problem.

You see the Church isn’t dying. The Church will not die. The Church will flex and morph and creatively grow and be birthed in new and beautiful ways as the Spirit cleverly and vibrantly flows through the open channels of willing hearts. There will be those who are looking and fully expecting God’s hand of creation to move in their midst. They know God is not dead. They know they aren’t in charge or control of building, maintaining or rescuing the church. They are invited to be present and witness the birthing process. Guiding, encouraging, and providing support to the health of the church as God enters their midst.

It will be uncomfortable. At times painful. And perhaps even seem hopeless. But for those with vision they will recognize that they are not at the bedside of a dying church but in the presence of new life entering the world. New generations will experience the power and presence of the Triune God. Hearts will be changed. Lives will be transformed. And with love and adoration we will look upon the glory of God in our midst.