My second week at my field placement we had two deaths the same evening. As my pastor was at Annual Conference, I went to be with the families and help them in planning the service. One of the deceased left behind a husband to whom she had been married to for seventy-three years.
Visiting him later he expressed the profound emptiness he felt in her absence. “When I saw her in that casket I just wanted to tell them to go ahead and put me in there too,” he said in the most straight forward manner. “I never knew a man could miss a woman so much.” Even though they had spent a lifetime together, her death seemed sudden and his grief was raw, accompanied by the very distinct reality of spending his remaining time on earth without her.
A different form of grief was expressed by the congregation and pastor when she announced she was being moved to a District Superintendent position. People were sad to lose a person with whom they had formed relationships with during the ten years she had served the church. However, such sadness was also mixed with joy and celebration of her accomplishments, as well as future ministry. Nonetheless, the time came for goodbyes, and for many it was a difficult time. The life of the church would change too, as a new pastor would arrive and lead the church in worship and service.
The changing seasons of life are often imbued with feelings of loss and grief. It is tough to say goodbye and hard to imagine a life when central and formational people and settings are removed. How does one fill the empty silences of a home when a spouse is no longer there? When a pastor who has been involved in the many ups and downs of people’s lives leaves, it can be scary to build up that level of trust and connection with an unfamiliar face. Over time, the uncomfortable sensation of loss can be eased through a growing sense of new routines and relationships. The most healing source in such times is of course God, and God’s loving community.
While we see in the person of Jesus his compassion and solidarity with those who mourn in accounts such as the death of Lazarus, we also see that he offers words of hope and resurrection. Speaking of the kingdom of God, Jesus assures those who now weep, for they will be blessed and will one day laugh. He speaks of a grief that will turn to joy. These are not words spoken flippantly or empty platitudes, but coming from the mouth of God who hears His people suffering but offers a promise of new life. So in our painful times of suffering or loss, we don’t simply throw ourselves into the tomb, because we recognize that the tomb no longer holds the power. As a people of resurrection, we may mourn but do so with the hope of God’s healing peace to bring joy in the morning. God’s great faithfulness and presence is there. God is there for the widows and widowers, the orphans, the refugees, the church in transition, and all those who mourn. God is there to offer good news even in the midst of grief. And that is why the church can both celebrate and grieve with its members, while still reassuring them of God’s faithfulness
